Well, all of my worrying about the DMV was nothing more than anticipatory anxiety. It was largely painless. I now have a New York drivers license (albeit temporary until the proper one comes in the mail) with my correct name and gender. I am now female New Yorker rather than a male Floridian, as far as state of residence goes. I am very happy that finally my deadname is ‘dead’ and that this state is now my home.
It’s a beautiful day outside too. I wore one of the sundresses I bought a few weeks ago specifically for weather like this. When I lived as a male, I hated summer, but now it’s my favorite time of year and I thrive in the heat.
The wifi is down at the clinic, so I’m not sure when I am going to be able to publish this. At least I can get internet at home now, once my SSD is in place.
A good day, despite yet another “date” gone wrong. I truly give up with dating. All it does is hurt me.
I’ve had a weird couple of days. I don’t even know where to begin though as far as writing about it goes.
The bad news: the name change saga is apparently far from over. It still has to be changed at both the DMV and DSS. We are going to the DMV tomorrow, but I fear they will refuse to misuse me a New York drivers license in my new name because I still haven’t had my permanent resident card back yet…and that could be months away. This means that my health insurance details won’t be able to be changed either, meaning I have to continue to put offf seeing a dentist, podiatrist and ear, nose and throat specialist. It means that I still won’t ne able to do many things without a state ID, including feeling like I actually live here.
I met a girl from PK Cupid earlier today. She was also transgender and I liked her company. I don’t think she liked me though and I’d be surprised if I hear from her again. We met at the coffee shop and drove around in her car for a while before she dropped me back home. It’s not a big deal. I’ve already given up on the idea of finding love, so it’s no loss as my hopes weren’t raised in the first place.
I miss my mum, the cats and my ex wife. I’m grateful for the help that I get here, but I’m really missing the kind of connection with other people that I need. E doesn’t hang out with me. anymore and she has started spending time with one of the men here that don’t like me. They probably talk shit about me…I csn feel it. None of the men here like me and some of them flat-out hate me and scare me. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens.
My care manager seems to know what he’s doing when it comes to the DMV, so hopefully I’ll have some good news by tomorrow afternoon, rather than potentially awful news. It’s going to be hot tomorrow, so I can finally wear one of the dresses I bought at the thrift store for warmer weather. I still need more clothes, but I need someone to come shopping with me. I can’t even face the buses here anymore. But I need to look as feminine as possible for the DMV tomorrow as I fear being misgendered and deadnamed due to my old IDs.
I gained back the 8lbs that I lost, so I need to cut back on eating. I haven’t noticed any negative effects from stopping blockers after surgery. My body definitely isn’t producing testosterone, because I would’ve felt it by now or even smelled differently. I’m glad that I don’t have to take medication to stop that poison from further damaging my body, especially as I never finished “male” puberty and up until 4 years ago, I was still very slowly developing until blockers put a stop to it.