I set a goal for myself to go and join the library today, but I failed as expected. I walked over there done, hater blockers (sunglasses) on and hater sound blockers (earphones) lodged into my ear drums. But when I got to the library, it suddenly became completely overwhelming and I had no idea where to go. I didn’t feel up to using my wretched male sounding voice to ask anyone, so I left.
All I can say is that I managed to walk there alone. One of my support workers said she’d come with me on Monday so I can get a library card. I hate how useless and incapable I’ve become of doing what should be seemingly simple things. I wanted to join the library today so I could borrow some books for the weekend.
I walked back and got back jest in time to buy some cheap produce from the curbside market van. I saved a fair bit of money and they gave me a $5 voucher to use for next time.
I dropped off my produce and decided to walk over to Boulder Cafe, which is where I am now. It’s mostly empty and I’m probably going to chill here for a while. It’s a shame I didn’t manage to get any new reading material, because the ambience in here is perfect for reading a book.
I had a mini-meltdown this morning when Tinder suspended my account and I lost M’s details. Thankfully, it must’ve just been a glitch, because the account is fine now.
I have therapy tomorrow afternoon, which is much needed. I need everyone to get on the same page so that I can get the help I need to get out in the community more, because I’m tired of existing as an invisible recluse. I’m 50/50 on whether or not to go back to the transgender group on Monday, but apparently my presence was welcomed there and one of them could be a potential friend.