Taking the piss or legitimate admirers?

Loneliness is hitting me like a ton of bricks today.  I got a couple of messages from the Craigslist “missed connections” section, but saying they were too nervous too ask me out. One of them saw me at Boulder Cafe, which is where I am now. I replied to both of them, but got no replies back.  I’m guessing they were just trolling me But here I am at the coffee shop, chasing ghosts.

I went out early to Wegmans to get my grocery shopping. I was good to go late tonight, but after doing 50 squats I still had too much energy. The bus was surprisingly quite busy and therefore a bit uncomfortable, but I walked half the distance there. I really need running shoes, because I will go out walking and running every day. The Park Avenue area of the city is ideal for it. I see lots of other women jogging alone so it must be pretty safe.

I’m going to have stay at the coffee shop for a few hours and hope that someone notices me. I am curious to know why these people are and how long they’ve been checking me out.

The weather is even hotter than it was yesterday; so I really don’t want to be indoors anyway.  I feel far more comfortable out in summer clothes than ugly winter coats.  The only involve pence is that my long white pasty legs seem to attract attention from people and passing cars when I wear shorts. I keep my earphones on and my music loud to drown most of it out.

I’m pretty sure those messages were fake or designed to lure me in somehow. I can’t believe for one second that someone out there would find me attractive.  I’ve only been approached by men 4 times since I got here a year ago.  Two of them were sincere, but way too old and it was an awkward social situation at the time.

All I see here are lots of couples and friends hanging out. I  may go and sit in the garden for a while because it’s too nice of a day to ne inside.  I don’t really want the sun shining on my uglyface tnough, nor do I want to get further bitten by mosquitoes.    

But as you can see, this place is empty:


Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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