Why am I even bothering? (LGBT community)

One of the care management staff is taking me to some sort of LGBT group on Monday evening. It was originally for LGBT people of color, but I guess they’ve expanded. I don’t even want to say this is a “last ditch” attempt to connect with other LGBT people, because I gave that up long ago when I realized I wasn’t welcome in the LGBT or transgender communities. I agreed to go, but I am not looking forward to it. I know I’ll feel ugly, worthless and out of place as always and I’m sure I’ll just sit there like a rock until it’s time to leave. I’ve already got a bad reputation among the transgender community here in Rochester, which is why I know this will be a complete waste of time and will just further validate my worst insecurities.

Do I really need people anymore anyway? All they do is pity me, hate me, judge me, laugh at me or ignore me.

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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