One of the care management staff is taking me to some sort of LGBT group on Monday evening. It was originally for LGBT people of color, but I guess they’ve expanded. I don’t even want to say this is a “last ditch” attempt to connect with other LGBT people, because I gave that up long ago when I realized I wasn’t welcome in the LGBT or transgender communities. I agreed to go, but I am not looking forward to it. I know I’ll feel ugly, worthless and out of place as always and I’m sure I’ll just sit there like a rock until it’s time to leave. I’ve already got a bad reputation among the transgender community here in Rochester, which is why I know this will be a complete waste of time and will just further validate my worst insecurities.
Do I really need people anymore anyway? All they do is pity me, hate me, judge me, laugh at me or ignore me.