** TRIGGER WARNING **
I feel like I’ll never find anyone willing to love me and be with me, in spite of my many flaws. Being constantly alone is so draining. It causes an aching pain inside that never goes away and makes my heart feel as heavy as a lead weight inside my chest. It has to be because of how I look, because people who are just as broken or more broken than I am seem to have no trouble finding people willing to be with them.
I can’t live this way and you can’t guilt me into doing so just because most of you cling to the sanctity of life. Suicide IS very much the ONLY solution to end my suffering. Otherwise, I’m just going to get older and uglier and perhaps even less able than I am now. What hope is there for the future? Just telling me “it will get better” is an entirely baseless assumption and goes against the grain of how my existence has panned out for as long as I can remember.
There’s no happy ending to this story. At best. It’ll just be more of the same and that in itself is enough of a reason to cease existing.