While I was at the clinic yesterday, a man approached me, suggesting that I should come to the church he attends. He said they were very accepting, because it’s an LGBT church. And that’s what killed it for me. After what happened when I went to a transgender group back in November, I have zero interest in trying to connect with that community again. I also get upset when people talk about acceptance, because it reminds me of what a freak that I am. I
hate it when people assume that I’m lonely and suffer from anxiety because I’m transgender, rather than listen. While it’s made things more difficult, I’ve never had an easy time fitting in and finding friends. Who’s to say that I wouldn’t be in this same position, had I continued to bury my gender identity? S would still have left me, because the marriage was essentially over, even before she found out. I had one friend, a Swedish expat living in Virginia, while I was in South Florida.
I know the man’s intentions were good, but this is an example of good intentions making me feel bad, because he reminded me of something I would rather shove as far to the back of my mind as possible. I don’t like being transgender and I don’t consider myself part of the LGBT community, after a plethora of negative experiences, mainly involving transgender people, although I’ve had my share of hate from both lesbians and gay men for being transgender and also for being bisexual.
I told him I’d go, just to politely get him to leave me alone. I have absolutely no intention of going to that church. If I go to any church here, it’ll be to the Unitarian church close to the Wegmans supermarket that I caught the bus to yesterday.