Imagined ugliness vs. legitimate ugliness

I have a great deal of empathy for people who suffer from BDD ( Body dysmorphic disorder).   I am not downplaying how debilitating and dangerous BDD is for sufferers.

One thing I noticed from joining BDD groups and interacting with people with the disorder is that none of them were ugly at all.   In fact, the overwhelming majority of them seemed to be very beautiful.    I ended up quitting those groups, because it became apparent to me that I don’t have BDD at all.  People have suggested that I do have BDD, but my ugliness is real and my physical flaws are grotesque. Interacting with people with BDD did more harm than good.

It does make me wonder how many people with real (not imagined) flaws are told that they have BDD.  It’s a horrible way to fob somebody off who has legitimate reasons to call themselves ugly.

If I had BDD rather than real ugliness, I’d be able to find love more easily, because people would find me attractive, despite my poor self-esteem and imagined flaws.  I wouldn’t have been bullied at school and beyond, but even if I was,  I’d know that the bullying was only to hurt me, rather than the words being true.  I wouldn’t have to hear people tell me bullshit nonsense such as “looks aren’t important” or “beauty is on the inside”. At the end of the day, if you’re attractive, people will gravitate to you whether you believe you’re attractive or not.  But being legitimately ugly is an awful curse to be afflicted with and cannot be fixed with therapy or medication.

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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