An end to this mot-hell in sight? (housing situation)

I’ve been told by my therapist (via email) that my new accommodation will be ready within a matter of days.  I have to go to a resident’s meeting on Thursday and I’m meeting with my service coordinator tomorrow.  I’m not going to get my hopes up until I get an actual date.  I’m worried about how I’ll get along with the other residents and what I’ll do for furniture, since I don’t have any money.

But the sooner I’m out of this mot-hell the better.   It’s been getting progressively worse here, as far as the guests go.  Many of them are complete and utter degenerates who make the most amount of noise possible, because they don’t care.   Last night, a guy was yelling threats at someone at the top of his lungs. I thought the next thing I’d hear would be gunfire.   They’ve also changed staff here, so the only 2 (nice) people I talked to here have gone.  I now feel so anxious going to the front desk that I have to whisper or write what I need on my phone – it’s that bad. And as I write this, the degenerate assholes in the room next door are banging the walls and playing loud music. It is both maddening and frightening at the same time.   All sorts of human waste is housed here, from drug dealers to sex offenders to just downright awful people. it’s probably a miracle that nothing really bad has happened to me yet, but I hardly ever leave my room anymore.

I told my mum that my date went well, but she didn’t seem to care. I don’t think she understands what a big deal it was for me, as far as taking a risk by leaving my comfort zone, given my fear of people, men and the risk of painful rejection.   I don’t know why she can’t connect with me on a more emotional and less logical / practical level. Sometimes I just need her to listen.  I feel like she’s never had any expectations for me as far as love, an education, happiness and having a normal life goes.  I know she loves me, but we are very different people.

I don’t know whether to message T (my new guy friend) or just let him contact me again first.   I don’t want to appear too keen and if by chance he is interested,  I’d rather just wait.  It’s difficult not to drive myself crazy by over thinking this. I don’t want him to think I’m not interested either.

I’m going to have an early night tonight as I have therapy tomorrow morning.  Perhaps I’ll find out more about my accommodation.

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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