I’m back in the void, stating at the ugly truth that is both my reflection in the mirror and my future. I take one step forward, only to be pushed two steps back. I won’t get to talk to another human being until Wednesday next week, which is an eternity as far as my sanity is concerned.
Perhaps I should avoid social media, but it’s my only connection with the outside world. Most people ignore me anyway, almost as much as they do in real life.
I can’t stand my own company, stuck in this room being tormented by an endless barrage of destructive thoughts and painful memories. I can’t be alone; because it causes so much damage. Because of social isolation, I’ve become a total nervous wreck around people in general. I can’t hide my anxiety anymore, so I retreat whenever people I don’t know get close to me. Living in a motel is a nightmare, in that sense. I feel like I’m in danger every time I leave my room. I jump when the phone rings or if there’s a knock on the door. Never before have I felt so afraid or so alone. The world looks like a very scary and hostile place through my eyes.