Back in the void 

I’m back in the void, stating at the ugly truth that is both my reflection in the mirror and my future.  I take one step forward, only to be pushed two steps back. I won’t get to talk to another human being until Wednesday next week, which is an eternity as far as my sanity is concerned.

Perhaps I should avoid social media, but it’s my only connection with the outside world.  Most people ignore me anyway, almost as much as they do in real life.

I can’t stand my own company, stuck in this room being tormented by an endless barrage of destructive thoughts and painful memories.  I can’t be alone; because it causes so much damage.  Because of social isolation, I’ve become a total nervous wreck around people in general.  I can’t hide my anxiety anymore, so I retreat whenever people I don’t know get close to me. Living in a motel is a nightmare, in that sense.  I feel like I’m in danger every time I leave my room. I jump when the phone rings or if there’s a knock on the door.  Never before have I felt so afraid or so alone. The world looks like a very scary and hostile place through my eyes.


Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

2 thoughts on “Back in the void ”

  1. I have seen depression and anxiety become true mental breakdowns in the psych ward. And I have experienced long stretches of time home alone and walked the line between cabin fever and seclusion. In my experience…getting out is one of the best possible solutions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Getting out is vital. Unfortunately I didn’t manage to do it yesterday and it’s unlikely to happen today or tomorrow as it’s the weekend. Thank you though.


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