Tired of waking up

Once again, I’m awake far too early.  There’s nothing for me to do but just lie here and wait until it’s time to get up.   I hare my insomnia for forcing me to be conscious when I’d rather not be.

I’m seeing both my psychiatrist and my therapist this afternoon.  I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for a stronger sleep medication, but I’ve no idea what to bring up in therapy.  There’s nothing that my therapist can do or say to make it better.  
I feel nauseous as a result of Seroquel, general anxiety and the nasty instant noodle bowl I ate earlier.  Apart from fruit +when I can get it), my diet is awful, because of living in a motel, where I can’t prepare or store food.   My diet consists of canned soup, bread, canned sardines, microwave meals and tortilla chips.  I went from a good+and cheap ( diet to this bullshit. I feel it too, as far as my energy levels and mental health are concerned.  I also keep getting headaches.

I can’t do this anymore.  Even if I were to recover as far as my mental health goes, what employer is going to hire an ugly transgender woman with no formal qualifications, that hasn’t worked in almost two years?  If I was still in my 20’s, I’d probably have a better chance.  But what is there to look forward to after this mot-hell period finally ends?


Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

13 thoughts on “Tired of waking up”

  1. What qualities do you have that formal experience can’t teach? Are there any opportunities to write a short story or personal piece to publish online? Is there a cause that touches your heart that you can volunteer for? That might lead to a paid position. Between the sleep and the high sodium in the foods you mention, that’s a great combination for the headaches. I hope your appointment goes well. I encourage you to be on the lookout for something beautiful today ❤


      1. Can you write from your phone? I figured you had Wi-Fi and enjoy writing that might be enough to get your writing somewhere. If not, maybe your phone will be enough to help you find a warm place tho volunteer, be around other people- maybe a nursing home or hospital where people could use a visitor 💖


      2. I thought it might bring you comfort to be around other people. A lot of times that can lead to gainful employment. Sorry, I’m not suggesting you aren’t doing all that you can already.


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