Once again, I’m awake far too early. There’s nothing for me to do but just lie here and wait until it’s time to get up. I hare my insomnia for forcing me to be conscious when I’d rather not be.
I’m seeing both my psychiatrist and my therapist this afternoon. I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for a stronger sleep medication, but I’ve no idea what to bring up in therapy. There’s nothing that my therapist can do or say to make it better.
I feel nauseous as a result of Seroquel, general anxiety and the nasty instant noodle bowl I ate earlier. Apart from fruit +when I can get it), my diet is awful, because of living in a motel, where I can’t prepare or store food. My diet consists of canned soup, bread, canned sardines, microwave meals and tortilla chips. I went from a good+and cheap ( diet to this bullshit. I feel it too, as far as my energy levels and mental health are concerned. I also keep getting headaches.
I can’t do this anymore. Even if I were to recover as far as my mental health goes, what employer is going to hire an ugly transgender woman with no formal qualifications, that hasn’t worked in almost two years? If I was still in my 20’s, I’d probably have a better chance. But what is there to look forward to after this mot-hell period finally ends?