Feeling decidedly unsafe (motel, housing)

I’ve been staying at this motel since the end of October, after being forced to leave where I was staying before, with my+former) friend Stephanie and her roommate/friend Ally.  Both of them went to my care manager behind my back to complain about me.  Whatever they told him was bad enough that I was literally dejected from there the following day, when a cab was called to bring me to this motel.  

Friendships Destroyed By Living Together

Anyway, I’ve been here for what seems like forever.  At first I didn’t feel particularly unsafe.  Stephanie’s sister Holly lied to me at the time and told me the area was safe.   As time has progressed, I slowly learned that not only is the area unsafe, but so is the motel itself.

I started to notice that the police seemed to be here often, which I thought was strange.  I also noticed that many of the guests here looked really shady.  I heard people partying at weekends, lots of shouting and banging and people congregating in the hallways.   I have nothing against people smoking marijuana, but I always smell it in the hallway.  

Out of boredom and blind curiosity, I decided to look at the reviews for this place. Needles to say, I almost wish that I hadn’t.  My worst  fears have been confirmed and then some.   Just to give you an idea:

I feel like it’s just blind luck and the fact that I seldom leave my room that nothing has happened to me yet.  I have had a couple of bad stares from other guests, though I’m never sure whether I’m just being paranoid.  I don’t like going down to the lobby, but I have to in order to heat up food in the communal microwave, or ro get boiling water for coffee or for the nasty snack noodles that I sometimes eat. 

I have almost been kicked out of here: twice, because my provider forgot to pay the bill and once because Holly called the police on me and told them I was going to kill myself.  The housekeepers leave me alone now, but I can never get them to clean my room. 

As for the area surrounding the motel, I can’t say that it’s safe.  While nothing awful has happened to me, I’ve had unwanted approaches by men, which scared me.  I don’t go out much,unless it’s to walk to the local Dollar store or to take the bus to Walmart or Wegmans supermarket. 

I have been to see the treatment housing apartments that I’m meant to be moving into next month, but they looked far from being completed construction wise.  So even if I’m offered a place as soon as it opens, that will still be least another 5-6 weeks away (best case scenario). 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful that this motel room is being paid for, as it could he a lot worse.  But this isn’t safe and I resent the fact that I trusted Stephanie and her sister Holly when I came here.  They both assured me that I would be safe if I came back to Rochester, but that hasn’t been the case

I feel like it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens to me here.    As it is, I’m far from everything.  I have no way ofpreparing food.   The noise from guests here and the housekeepers plays havoc with my anxiety, PTSD and misophonia. 

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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