Facing a crisis over Christmas (and beyond)

Things are looking very bad right now…

The care manager I saw today had me fill out a new application form for cash assistance, as he thinks it’s likely that I’ll have to re-apply.  Last time, this took almost 8 weeks.  So I literally won’t be able to survive without it and I cannot rely on my parents.  While you may not think the internet is essential, it is for me as it is my only contact with the outside world, but the motel charges $3.20 a day for basic wifi.

So needless to say, I’m shitting myself right now.  I created a GoFundMe page and posted it on Twitter.  A couple of my online friends have also shared it.  Because I’m banned from Facebook for a few days, I can’t share it there.  Besides, I would rather try to collect lots of small donations from strangers than ask friends – not that I want to ask at all. If any of you would be willing to share this, I would be extremely grateful:

GoFundMe – ‘Please help me survive Christmas’

The care manager seemed totally unable to ease my fears when I was on the verge of freaking out in the car on the way back.  I can’t really expect anyone to either.  If I have to go back to DHS (social services) it will be very bad.  The waiting room is a very trauma-inducing place for me.  Worse still, they will use my deadname, as my name change is still being processed through USCIS.  So I hope it can just be switched back on when they process the form from my therapist declaring me unfit for work.

I did get some clothes today from a donation place.  Because of my shoe size, I was unable to get any winter boots.  I figured that if my money situation works out and my dad ends up helping me,  I could use that to buy winter boots, which are essential here.

If I can survive until I get placed in treatment housing late next month and my benefits are reactivated, things will be looking up early next year in terms of me getting the help and stability I’ve needed for the last five years.  I’ll even get help getting a job, which means I’ll hopefully never be in this situation again and maybe I’ll ever be able to help others.

What a mess though.

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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