Issues Resolved, Ties Severed

I’m staying at the motel until Wednesday.  I think that’s just about all the isolation I can handle, so I’m being admitted that day to inpatient.  After that, it’s looking like the YWCA will be where I’ll end up until treatment housing is available in January  or February.   While it could be really really bad as I’ll have to share a room with other women, it could also be potentially good, as I’ll have people to talk to (though I won’t raise my hopes about making friends),

Unfortunately, my sense of right and wrong can get skewed when my emotions take over.  I attribute some of this to physical transition.   Although I am more leveled out, HRT is very much a ‘second puberty’ and since I didn’t finish the  first/wrong puberty (thank god), this one is a lot more intense.

Anyway I don’t have issues with any of my (solely online) friends left.  I trust those of you who take the time to respond to my nonsense and often allay my fears.  I hope that you’d never call the police on me, because I would not announce it online if I was about to kill myself, nor would I tell anyone.  

Holly and Stephanie are history now – I don’t put up with gaslighting and the ‘I’m a great friend’ narcissism. I talked to my therapist who even advised closure.  It sucks that i literally have no one here in Rochester over the holidays but I’ll be admitted soon, hopefully before any further deterioration.

I’m here now and I have to try to make it work,Trump or not.   I do have the option of returning to the UK, as long as my dad keeps his word.  Hopefully I’ll get better when I start to feel like part of the human race and can work again and be independent.

They went out and got food for me, though I’d still kill for a hot meal.  The motel staff shouldn’t mess with me again, so hopefully mo more scares until I’m in hospital and hopefully safer and with people I can talk to.

Never again will I trust people.  This COULD have been VERY bad as care management literally didn’t know where to send me with just 16 hours notice.

I apologize for the drama and for airing my dirty laundry on WordPress and Facebook.  That shouldn’t be the case anymore as I no longer have anyone in my life to have to bitch about.

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

2 thoughts on “Issues Resolved, Ties Severed”

  1. good luck, and i hope your thanksgiving is nicer than mine. im not complaining, i prefer to hide from the world on thanksgiving– if sometime this week/month i actually want to stuff myself full of food, i can. i gave up on the traditional fare a year or two ago, but mashed potatoes (my favorite part of it anyway) are available year-round, so theres that.

    hopefully youll be posting again when youre out of inpatient, if not sooner. having your therapist back you up on the closure thing is nice to hear– nothing like having a professional agree with you on something. if you have time, id really love your input on my latest post (blog entry) and if you dont, thats no problem at all. and i hope the ywca is as fun as the song (about the other one) says. within reasonable expectations, of course.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will have a look when I get back. By some miracle I’ve just been incited out so I’m just going to go anxiety or not. One friendship dies and 3 potential new / healthy ones emerge. Life is weird.

      I’d say you could call me tomorrow but I may well be out

      Liked by 1 person

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