I don’t want to tempt fate by seeing this as a turnaround point for my life, but I’ve had a few very positive things happen lately, most of which happened today.
Firstly, I’ve been approved for treatment housing and have been placed high on the ‘priority’ list. There’s a new building which will be self-contained apartments, but with support there and activities arranged to help people in my situation re-integrate back into society. It sounds pretty ideal and what I’ve needed for years – I’d have my own space, but the chance to make friends in a controlled environment. There are other LGBT residents there too, so I won’t be the only one, though I am VERY wary of transgender people. The funny thing is that I had to explain to the housing liaison officer what ‘pansexual’ is. I told her that my attraction to an individual isn’t based on gender, despite my preference for actual relationships with men. She looked rather flummoxed by it. I explained that while I don’t like to discuss transgender issues, I am very open with my sexuality and I am openly ‘queer’.
Secondly, I saw my physician for the transgender-related stuff. I’m quite pleased with the physical changes I’ve experienced from three and a bit years of HRT, but my breast size hasn’t gone beyond a 34B. He has agreed to try me on progesterone, starting and the end of this month. I used to take it when I was self-medicating and it did lead to some breast development. I’ve nothing to lose by trying it, but I don’t plan on getting breast augmentation if it doesn’t work. At the end of the day, it could be worse – especially being tall and quite skinny in places.
Thirdly, I am being referred to a urologist for private reasons that I’d rather not fully disclose. I’ve found out that I can get something done surgery-wise before SRS, but in my case, let’s just say that SRS won’t be ‘typical’ in my case, so I really need to address genetic issues that also rendered me infertile, even before HRT. But it’s something I’ll be able to get done relatively soon on my insurance.
I had my blood taken to check my counts, but since my hormone regime hasn’t changed for two years, I’m sure my levels will be fine again, though last time my estrogen level was in the upper 700’s, which is considered ‘high’. My blood pressure was fine (125 or something) and I’ve lost 4lbs, so down to 172lbs (I was 202lbs before transition).
I was given a couple of bags of non-perishable food and detergent. My friend Holly has said that I can do my laundry at her apartment complex, which saves me the anxiety I have when it comes to using laundromats.
I have no appointments tomorrow, so I’m going to try to make the most of this period of optimism and force myself out, even if it’s just grocery shopping at the nearest Wegmans supermarket. This will involve taking a bus, but it’s just one bus and it’ll only take 15 minutes. If I don’t feel up to the bus, I’ll just go to the Dollar General store which is within walking distance of the hotel and perhaps save the main grocery shopping for early on Sunday morning.
I’ve heard nothing from USCIS yet regarding the name and gender change on my permanent resident card. My attorney submitted the form on 10/20, so I should try to be patient.
Yesterday, the new psychiatrist diagnosed me as having Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and has added a stimulant called Adderall to my cocktail of pills, along with Prazosin to help ease my PTSD symptoms (nightmares and flashbacks). Stimulant medication may well be life changing, if it allows me to focus more easily in order to absorb verbal and written information better. Simply being able to read a book from start to finish would be amazing.
I’ve had no luck on OK Cupid. All I seem to get are messages from fuckboys. Finding a boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t anywhere near a priority right now. If it happens, it happens. But I get tired of men who seem to have no patience to get to know me before meeting – I don’t get it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that I need 48 hours notice to meet a stranger. I have major anxiety, especially when it comes to meeting new people. They’re not the ones taking the risk – I am. I don’t think I’m going to find the new love of my life on OK Cupid or Facebook.
Anyway, I thought I’d share my good news. I know most of you are accustomed to constant negativity, but I am not a negative person. If positive things happen to me, I can be positive.