Wondering who’s reading my blog

I just want to say that I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read my blog, especially those who’ve liked and commented.  This is sort of like the Livejournal of the 2010’s, only it seems to be a wider audience.

I do look at my stats sometimes wonder who’s reading my blog.  As far as I know, there are only two ‘friends’ aware of its existence.  But then I wonder if anyone else who knows me personally is reading this.  Perhaps my mum or my brother, perhaps ex partners or friends who I’m unaware are reading my entries.  

I look at these stats wondering who these people are from across the globe.   This blog isn’t intended to be seen by most people that known me (or have known me in the past), but there are people in my life who I hurt and therefore, I wouldn’t mind them reading this, even if it’s just to help them forgive themselves and move on.  

This blog is a record of my existence, the pain I go through and the people I’ve been lucky enough to cross paths with, even if things went bad.  When I’m gone, this will be all that’s left.  I figured I won’t need to write a note, as the explanation is here for all to see.  I am fully aware that I am taking huge risks by sharing what is essentially, my diary.

If you know me personally and you’re reading this, chances are I did you wrong or hurt you in some way.  For that I am sorry, even though ‘sorry’ doesn’t even remotely cut it, I know.  Please know that you are welcome to come out of the shadows, whoever you are.  Even if you just want to tell the world what a horrible person I am, I won’t argue with you.

I’m sorry that I’ve been such a disappointment.  Here’s a song that’s been stuck in my head all day….’Fade Into You’ by Mazzy Star: 

“I wanna hold the hand inside you
I wanna take the breath that’s true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth.”



Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

11 thoughts on “Wondering who’s reading my blog”

  1. Becca, I think we all have a story to tell, in life. Yours is unique, and I believe you will find some peace in this world. Maybe, so many of these people from around the globe want to relate to you and you might be a bit of inspiration to them.
    I know it’s touch for people like us that deal with self-negativity, but I believe there is goodness to be found. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t think I’ll ever find peace this time around…just being brutally honest and realistic. I gave up hope of finding happiness many years ago (even that hope was slim). I share my story because at some point, this will be all that’s left. There has to be something to show for it and this can’t all be in vain.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And yet you just stated a purpose…a smidgen of hope…
        …it’s there Becca, we all see it, even if you don’t – the hope that someone would see this.
        You have hope Becca 🙂 I wish I could just hug you so you could see it too.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m not worth anything to anyone though. Not outside of the Internet. I’m really only alive here. No one out there wants me around. I’ll never find love again (a basic human desire) and I don’t even want to.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. So you don’t want to find love…? So, what? You don’t have to.

        but I’m gonna add a word, I want you to master… “…yet!”

        I’m not worh anything to anyone…

        No one out there wants me around…

        Try it!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. “Yet” is a word that expired in my 20’s. I’ve only ever loved once person. The people I dated before and after were nothing in comparison. To find that again; I was insanely lucky to find it once, but I blew it. Life has never been so kind to be and surely won’t be again.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. We all have gifts and curses. The struggle is how do we celebrate the gifts and push through the curses. You are not alone in your struggles. We are never truly alone. Although we each are unique we all have common struggles and hardships. I am so glad you have to courage to dig deep.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel alone. Even more so around other people. For the first time I’m feeling like I’m no longer relevant. People my age have kids, lives, careers and stability. I’m as los as I was at 16…perhaps even more so. I hope no one I know is reading this, but if they are then perhaps it’s helping them understand. I don’t know.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s