I have often been accused of running away from my problems. I am not going to argue with such accusations, because it’s true.
In the last 5 years alone (from 2011 to now), I have moved several times:
Miami Beach, Florida
Coral Gables, Florida
Watford, United Kingdom
Rochester, New York
Skelmersdale, United Kingdom
Grantham, United Kingdom
back to Rochester, New York
Why do I do it? In many cases, I was forced to move by circumstances beyond my control (failed relationships, bad living situations). But I tend to always believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (or Atlantic, in my case). I tend to forget the negative things that happened to me in places I’ve lived before, then I go back and they bite me in the ass and I want to run away again.
I also get depressed if I feel stuck in one particular place. I go from liking a place to hating it relatively quickly. One or two bad experiences can also make me hate a place. After a certain time, I start to believe that many of my pronlems are caused by where I live, so I believe that running away to somwhere new or somewhere I’ve lived before is the solution.
Some of my problems do pertain to places I’ve lived. For example, when I go back to the UK, the feelings of inferiority towards my brothers return and I am reminded of the past. If I were to go back to South Florida, I would be troubled by memories of my marriage. Such issues still affect me, but not as severe as they would do if I were still living in those places. Sometimes it’s specific people I’ve needed to run away from, whether partners or friend I’ve fallen out with in the past.
I also struggle to relate to people who have lived in the same place their entire life. I’m so used to moving around that it seems so alien to me, to just stay in the same place you grew up in. I wonder whether I’m simply not meant to stay in one place for too long. Or maybe I’ve simply not found “home” yet and perhaps I never will in this life. Maybe I I found love or somewhere I felt like I actually belonged, I wouldn’t feel the need to keep running.
The 90’s song ‘Runaway Train’ by Soul Asylum seems relevant to this post, so here it is: