Hair today, gone tomorrow 

I’ll be honest, I hate having long hair.  If I were a cisgender woman, I would have my hair cut short, kind of like this:


But because I’m ugly and transgender, I feel like I *have* to have long hair.  If it weren’t for my huge ugly nose, I would definitely have it cut short.  Long hair annoys me, especially my hair.

I hate that as a transwoman, j an expected to be ultra feminine, though I personally do not see short hair as ‘masculine’.  I wish I didn’t care so much what people think.   I worry that if I get it cut, I’ll look too much like a boy.  

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

23 thoughts on “Hair today, gone tomorrow ”

    1. I just don’t want to look male. I’m scared that I will if I do. I also don’t want people questioning my femininity, which is a horrible thing to assume. I’ve heard so many assholes question women in general with short hair..”she must be a lesbian” for example. It’s a form of patriarchy and it makes me so mad. Just like when I’m told to wear more makeup or wear dresses more. Trans women are held to ridiculous standards.

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  1. Why do you think you are ugly and feel guilty about being transgender (so your expression gives that feeling).

    It is not that because you are a transgender you have to try to fit certain pictures the society places on females or on males. Just be yourself and wear your hair like you want to wear it.

    Start accepting what you are inside and let it become your outside, loving yourself and making you living in this world, to become recognised for who and what you are.

    Success.

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    1. I hate being transgender and see it as a curse. I wish I were a normal girl and had been raised as such. I feel like I’m ugly because I am. I have a huge nose and I was born with an overgrowth syndrome that made me tall. I have lots of “flaws” and have been bullied most of my life (at least for as long as I can remember). I do want my hair short…short but still feminine. Trans women are held to ridiculous standards. I don’t want someone doubting my womanhood or labeling me non-binary just because I have a side of me that is a little tomboyish.

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      1. Every human being at a certain time in his growing up shall have a moment he or she does not believe what others tell about them and will see themselves out of perspective, finding everything ugly about them. Be sure, those born in the wrong body or with two sites of a human being (male and female in one body) shall be triggered more with much more questions and problems.

        From one site you also could come to see that your mind came to find out what you are inside. You only have to give yourself time to let it be part of you and let it come outside.

        Most important is that you come to understand that a human being has a corps or outside packing, which is less important than the inside packing. Ifg you are willing to let yourself become knowledgable with your inner you and start loving yourself for who and what you are, you will see that when you allow others as well to come to se you for what and who you are, they shall find the beauty in you.
        It is that beauty which shall come to bind you with others, so that you may come to growing relationships of value. Those who are only interested in the outer looks are often not the most interesting people and relationships based on outer looks and sex are not going to last for long.

        Why would you not consider a mighty woman be lovely with short hair and very feminine and even sexy?

        Having worked in the show business, also choreographing fashion shows, our customers liked women with short hair, sometimes even with a boys cut. Look at certain fashion magazines and see how sexy some women can look like. Though do not concentrate on the sexiness of a woman’s look. but come to see that such hair cut can say a lot of your character: i.e. determination and ‘hardness’ which also can cover a soft heart in spiky bolster. (If you understand me.)

        Dare to be boyish as a transgender girl also and see that there are also non-transgender girls who love “a little tomboyish” hair cut. Allow yourself to play with sensibility like others are allowed too.

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  2. I’m not 100% sure if this is you in the picture, but if it is, short hair really suits you!
    I also don’t think short hair is “boyish”. I think some women really rock short hair and pixie cuts. Look at Ruby Rose. No one would ever throw her out of bed, and she’s always had short hair!! I mean, I get she’s not transgender, so it’s different, but at the same time, I think you should have what you think makes you look good and makes you feel confident. I think if you feel confident, people won’t think twice, you know?

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    1. It’s not me unfortunately. I’m ugly, she’s pretty and can pull it off. My huge nose would stand out even more with short hair. If I were cisgender, I would definitely be a little tomboyish / boyish-femme. I hate that as a transwoman, I feel like I have to be ultra girly, when that isn’t me. I’m a woman, not a caricature of a woman like so many trans women seem to force themselves to be.

      Ruby I believe is on the non binary spectrum, but I love her and her style. She probably dresses more androgynous / boyish than I would though.

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      1. I am not going to like this because I strongly doubt that’s true, at all.
        I’ve never met anyone who is physically unattractive that is kind and lovely who looks unattractive. Which is the worst wording ever, so please let me try and explain better.

        Have you ever read the Twits? Because it’s the best example I’ve ever read.

        In it, Roald Dahl says that “ugly” people look ugly at first. You seem that they have crooked teeth and a large nose and whatever, but when you get to know them, you realise that they’re beautiful. Their inner self shines through, and makes them beautiful, and you stop noticing their flaws. You see them as beautiful.

        However, a beautiful person who’s ugly on the inside quickly becomes flawed. Their ugliness takes over.

        You aren’t like that. I don’t really know what you look like physically (I can see your avatar, which I’m guessing is you, but it’s very small), and you look pretty to much. But regardless, my opinion isn’t relevant. Yours is. Yours is the most important.

        And please know that the only people who are ugly aren’t the ones that look that way – they’re the ones that ARE that way.

        I don’t, personally, think you have to be ultra feminine. And again, this is so easy for me to say – I’m straight, cis, white. I’ve got life easy, and have never had to make or face the hard decisions you have.

        Perhaps you could make a compromise with short hair?? Like, Ginnifer Goodwin? Her short hair could be a style that suits you better maybe. Or maybe a bob? Something in between? Maybe that could be a good compromise for what you want.

        Regardless, you are not ugly. You are not even remotely ugly. You’re too hard on yourself, and that’s our fault. That’s society’s fault. That’s every single person’s fault that has made you feel that way. Every single person that has heard someone say or do that, and let it go.

        But you are not ugly. And you deserve to look the way you want.

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      2. Thank you. I’m glad you didn’t completely use the “inner beauty” thing as that can be invalidating to someone with body dysmorphia.

        I have always hated how I look. I hated being a male and didn’t attract anyone. To an extent, j can attract people now, but it is usually them wanting sex/fun/bullshit. To find someone willing to commit to me is tough. I’ve been called ugly most of my life. The only person that ever truly loved me was my ex wife before I came out. But now she hates me for keeping a huge secret.

        I’m pansexual. I guess you could say that’s an advantage as I’m willing to love anyone regardless of gender, sex assigned at birth or genitalia. But still, I am unable to find love. Or normalcy.

        I haven’t read Twits. I’m not much of a reader, unfortunately. I find it hard to concentrate for too long.

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      3. I agree. I hate it, too, and if it seemed that way, it’s not what I meant. It’s not the same, and I hate to take away from you, but I feel like it’s important to say regardless. My parents have always told me that I’m too fat. I literally avoid visits because my weight is always called into question. Anything bigger than 50 kgs is too much (that would be around 90-100 pounds if you’re not Australian … not sure how much stone though) and it’s been devastating. Because I’m sick, really sick, it’s hard to exercise. I gain weight (I’m not heavy – not even 70 kgs, so like Amy Schumer size, maybe a bit smaller) because I can’t always move. I’m always told that I’m pretty and thin, but my parents have told me that I’m unattractive and fat for most of my life. Whenever I had self confidence, I was reminded I wasn’t good enough. Even when I was young – in primary school – I dreamed of being a model. I’m talking like maybe nine or ten. (I also dreamed of being an astronaut, firefighter, Olympic swimmer and more – you know, typical kid stuff. And my dad told me I could never be a model because no one would pay someone as ugly as me.) Anyway, I don’t mean to take away from you, but my husband tries to convince me all the time that I’m beautiful. And the worst is that ‘inner beauty’ shit. However, I think the Twits is a perfect example. Roald Dahl does it so perfectly – it’s a kid’s short story – and he even has pictures and you can really see what he means. (I’m a teacher, so Roald Dahl is a regular for me!) Anyway, I’ve noticed it’s actually really truly true. I don’t want it to be about me, so please don’t respond to that, but I hope you know that that isn’t what I meant, not at all.

        I’ve met people that I’ve thought are really ugly, and then I’ve gotten to know them, and I forget that I ever thought they were ugly. And beautiful people … they can so quickly become ugly. I hope it makes sense.

        I could Google it and see if I can find it if you ever wanted 🙂

        I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you find someone who really loves you again.

        I wish I could do more. But I am always here for you to talk to, and always so happy to listen. Unfortunately, however, it’s very late here and I need to go to bed!!

        Please feel free – if there’s anything you want to talk more privately to me about, please feel free to PM me 🙂 I’m sorry! xx

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      4. Your parents sound awful! Wow…I’m speechless. It reminds me of how my ex’s mother would always tell her the same. It broke my heart, but there was nothing I could do to defend her as that was her mother and I know she wouldn’t want me getting in it. But your parents …instead of raising you to believe in yourself, they raised you to doubt yourself and believe lies (because I’m sure you’re not ugly either).

        Maybe you could still do some of those things you wanted to do? They say it’s never too late. I’m glad your husband saw in you something that is obvious: that you are a kind, intelligent, articulate and beautiful person. I’m sure he feels just as lucky to have you in his life as you feel that you’re lucky to have him.

        Sleep well. I keep forgetting the time difference! x

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      5. I think they wanted me to be realistic in life, which is fair. I think too many children are raised with unrealistic beliefs. However, I think some of the things my parents did in hopes of that were too far. They should’ve let some of that stuff go. I mean, I changed my mind so many times, I doubt I would’ve stuck with model for long. Especially because I was ambitious, I would’ve gotten bored at the idea. If I reached high school and was still going on about it, they should’ve been like, ‘It’s a very difficult field. Are you willing to do a, b, c, d, e? And maybe make no money?’ I probably would’ve changed my mind at all the things a model can’t eat alone! I think they meant well, and still do, but they are shit at getting it across.

        Thank you!!! But, I see myself one way. And it doesn’t matter what people say, it’ll always be the same, you know? Which is what I meant with you – I want you to know that I’m sure you’re beautiful, how could you not be? But just because I say that doesn’t mean you magically believe it and everything is okay.

        I’m actually doing all the things I want to do now 🙂 I’m tutoring (I’m too unwell to teach full-time), I’m writing, and making internet-friends … life is good. And I am happy.

        Also, good luck with Ok Cupid!! I hope it goes well! x

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      6. I understand that they wanted you to have realistic expectations, but to call you ‘fat’ is unacceptable. I also believe (as you do) they should’ve let you just go for it. Crushing a child’s dreams is not healthy. My parents did the same when they basically implied that I wasn’t smart enough to go to university (my mum and stepdad, that is). They told me once “you’re practical, not academical”. And knowing I am awful with my brands (clumsy and stupid), I took that as an insult and it still affects me to this day.

        If I had kids, they’d feel like they could achieve anything, because I’d be the kind of parent that encourages them.

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      7. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know how devastating that can be – not just for myself, but how I’ve seen students convinced that they’re stupid, not because they are, but because they’ve been told over and over again that they are. It’s an awful cross to bear. And I’m sure you’d make an amazing mum.

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