I feel totally hopeless. I told my mum that things weren’t going well (or to plan) here in the US and I told her about the incidents of harassment. This was her response:
She has never instilled any hope in me with regard to transition, which makes me feel like it’s utterly hopeless. That message is basically confirming that the insecurities I have about myself are in fact, correct and justified. It is passive-aggressive, but that’s what I read into it. That I must look so bad that “it could happen anywhere”.
Don’t get me wrong, she accepts me as her daughter and has done for some time, but she has never given me any kind of confidence in myself. It’s partly the reason why I believe that everyone who tells me I’m beautiful or that I pass as a woman is simply lying through their teeth. It’s certain; my mum sees the same freak that I see in the mirror every day.
Thanks for confirming that my insecurities are valid, mum. I guess you agree that I look like a freak and a crossdresser.