“Ordinary World” 

This particular song by Duran Duran has been stuck in my head.  It invokes painful memories of late 1992, when my mum and (ex) stepdad broke up after he cheated on her (one of many chaotic periods of my early existence). The song has crept back into m life again as it has become relevant: 

“What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away”

The life that I recognized ended in summer 2011, when my then wife found out that I wasn’t who she thought I was.  It was bound to end anyway, given the fact that we’d drifted so far apart and I buried my head in the sand and tried to drink the pain away.  

“What is happening to me?
Crazy, some’d say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away”

What is happening to me?  I’ve deteriorated mentally, got older and uglier and virtually unable to function.  I’ve lost my job, my car and my cat.  Where is my friend when I need her most?  She wasn’t just my friend or my partner; she was my soulmate.  I know she couldn’t have loved me, but I would have loved to have stayed friends.  I could do with her friendship right now, especially as I am close to giving up.

There is no ‘ordinary world’ for me to look forward to, just more turmoil, chaos and pain.  I’m afraid I don’t share the hint of optimism in the lyrics of the song. I will cry for yesterday, because there is no ordinary world that I’ll ever find in this life. 

Gone away. 



Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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