Forcing myself to go out, leaving my comfort zone

I’ve done quite a lot over the last few days.   I think I’ve been out more this week than I have done in a while, even going on an 8 mile hike on my own.  Even though buses cause me massive amounts of anxiety, I’ve managed to use them a few times this week without incident. 

Firstly, DHS went fine.  I’m glad I had someone to advocate for me though, as I couldn’t have done it alone.  As far as I could tell, no one so much as looked at me and I got what I needed to get.  I have to go back next Thursday, but I don’t think that will be as grueling.  At least I’m good for food now until I get a job. 

Yesterday I took the bus to a Walmart on the other side of town.  I managed to buy a few clothes that I needed, makeup, earplugs and sunglasses (hater blockers) as I broke my other pair.  As I had time to kill afterwards, I found a Starbucks close by and had a grande cappuccino.  The weird thing is that I hadn’t been to a Starbucks in forever, as I’d gotten sick of them as me and my ex used to buy coffee from there all the time, but it was nice to be able to sit down somewhere out of the heat and unthreatening.  I caught the bus back without incident, although I had my earplugs lodged in and my music on to drown out all human generated. 

Earlier today I went for an 8 mile hike to Lucien Morin Park.  It was a good experience, but I didn’t get as far as I would have liked as I didn’t have the right footwear and my phone battery wouldn’t have lasted more than a few hours.  The trail itself was pretty hardcore.  I had forgotten how trails here in the US are generally a level or seven up from the well manicured trails in the British countryside.  The trail I walked was full of potential hazards and annoyances, including buzzing and sometimes biting insects, stinging nettles, obstacles galore and some pretty steep climbs and drops.  But the best part of all: NO HUMANS IN SIGHT!  I loved the seclusion of it, even though I got creeped out a few times being on my own and potential prey for large wild animals or serial killers.

I took quite a few photos with my phone, before slowly heading back.  I was tempted to hitchhike, as it was an uphill climb back home along a highway, but I decided against it.  I want to come back when I have more appropriate footwear and try to walk as far as the southern end of Irondequoit Bay.  I wish I had a friend or even a boyfriend to do outdoorsy stuff with.  If you’re desperate enough, please drop me a line. 

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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