Apocalyptic dreams and thoughts 

I had a pre-apocalyptic dream earlier, which wasn’t necessarily a nightmare.  It was discovered that a 6 mile wide asteroid was going to strike the earth and I was part of a large group of people taking refuge inside a shopping mall, waiting for Armageddon.  Also in the dream were my ex wife and her mother, though my interactions with them were limited.

Unlike most other people, I was not scared at all.  I welcomed death and I hoped that it would be quick and painless.  While most people were scrambling around and clinging to their last moments of life, I sat back blissfully oblivious, just waiting in a seated area, enjoying one last latte as the sky started to change color.  Death was not going to come as a result of the impact itself, but from a giant tsunami.

I woke up before the dream actually ended, but I believe my reaction to such a cataclysmic event would be much the same, if it were to actually happen.  I would be calm, while most people would be panicking. I do not fear death at all, but I would fear a slow and painful death or just dying of old age. 

I wonder if any of you bored enough to read this have heard of the movie ‘The Quiet Earth‘?  It’s a really old post-apocalyptic movie made in New Zealand.   The main protagonist (Zac) is a scientist who was working on a global nuclear energy project.  He wakes up one morning to find himself alone in the world after the project went wrong and wiped out all human life on earth, except for Zac and a couple of other survivors he finds later on in the movie.

Aside from the world being devoid of human beings, everything looked the same.  That would be my idea of paradise, which is why I liked the movie so much.   The idea of living on an empty world is extremely appealing; there would be no more triggers, no more being bullied, harassed or scared.  There’d be no one to compare myself to, so there’d be no more feelings of inferiority.  I’d be able to go out freely, wherever I want and whenever I want.  It would be equivalent to being let out of jail early, without having to die in jail.

I don’t like people and I don’t want to be a part of the human race, especially as we seem to be heading towards World War 3.   We are selfish, horrible creatures and so many of us seem to derive a sick pleasure from hurting other people or animals.  You don’t have to agree with me, but when you have lived your entire existence without rose tinted glasses and have been victimized for as long as you can remember, perhaps you’d feel the same as I do.

Bur as much as I can’t stand the majority of human beings, my only wish is to either be able to escape society or end my own life.  I am not a vindictive or hateful person and I have no desire to take anyone down with me.

But a quiet earth sounds lovely. 


Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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