Just took the 2 little orange pills, also known as Mirtazapine. I already know what’s in store now; 30 minutes of pre-sleep anxiety, followed by being unnaturally jolted into another deep and terrifying “dirty sleep”.
I wonder what nightmares are in store for me this time. I’ve had demonic possession, past flashbacks that are distorted to seem more like horror movies or perhaps a painful reminder of someone I’ve lost. Then I’ll wake up, around 3am in a state of terrified panic, with no one here to comfort me. Shit, I know I’m not ready to date, but I wish I had someone to hold me at night; someone who could catch me before I fall into the abyss of my nightmares.
I know it’s coming though. There was a time I used to look forward to sleep, but not anymore. When I get to see a psychiatrist, I will ask about changing meds or going back on Prazosin.