Before I go any further, please let me preface this by saying I have nothing against men who cross dress. What people do in and outside their own homes is their own business. I don’t claim to understand it, but each to their own.
It is a trigger subject though. The fact that people confuse transgender women and transvestites is offensive. Both are two completely different things, although some of them are closeted transgender women who can only “be themselves” behind closed doors. It is important to also remove such individuals and any gender variants from the “transvestite” label. I am specifically referring to men (usually straight men) who get aroused by dressing up as women, but have no intention to transition or be known as anything else but men. It is the association with this group that hurts transgender women the most. We get lumped into the same category, called “men ion dresses” and “perverts” because of the association with transvestite fetishism, which has nothing to do with gender identity.
My patience gets tested when cross dressers go on dating sites, looking for transgender women because they either see us as one of them, or more likely to accept their fetish. It happened to me just now, which is why I feel the need to vent about this subject, as I am extremely upset and it’s not the first time it’s happened. I was chatting to what seemed like a really cool guy, until he dropped the ‘CD bomb’ on me, asking me if I wore tights and heels, then telling me he used to enjoy wearing his ex -girlfriend’s tights. I didn’t judge him, but it triggered me instantly. I tried to get him to back off and said that I wasn’t the best person to discuss his issues with. I suggested going to a group or joining an online group specifically for cross dressers. He wouldn’t leave it and started being a sleazeball, ogling over my pictures. I ended up blocking him. Like I said, that wasn’t the first time I’ve been “duped” by what seemed like a regular guy. I wish they’d either leave me alone or make their intentions known early on. I am NOT up for lending anyone my clothing and especially not underwear. Again, I am not being judgemental; there are groups people can join to safely explore their fetishes among like minded people.
Many cross dressers seem to attend transgender groups. I was put off going to a trans group in London, because the group organiser told me that 9 out of the 12 regulars were cross dressers. I suggested he should change the name of the group to “Transvestite Meetup Group” as gender identity is not the same as someone just looking to satisfy their fetish.
I have no issue with feminine men or non-binary people. I would not mind if I had a boyfriend and he wanted to express his feminine side, even dressing feminine. I just couldn’t be with someone with a fetish and I am not the kind of person to lend anyone my clothes (I don’t even like other people doing my laundry). I never considered presenting female as cross dressing, nor did I ever feel even remotely aroused by it (and I can’t understand how clothing can arouse someone as it’s just fabric).
Again, I am not judging cross dressers / transvestites. I just wish people would stop associating them with transgender people. It hurts our reputation and places those of us who live full time in danger, because of the stigma and lack of knowledge that most people out there seem to have. I feel similarly about drag queens, but drag queens do not impact my daily life, nor are they trying to lure me in on dating sites or attending groups for transgender individuals.