I’m lost for words

I need to say a few things before I log off all social media, shut down my computer and go into shutdown mode myself,  The sheer maginitude of what has transpired over the last 24 hours is hitting me now. In addition to voting to leave the European Union, our moderate Prime Minister, David Cameron has resigned.  The FTSE has recorded its biggest losses since the financial crisis of 2008, the pound is at its weakest ever, at least as weak as its ever been in my lifetime.
So far, all of my predictions are coming true.  The Conservatives won the last election last year, we have voted to leave the EU, our Prime Minister has quit and the UK is on a crash course for another recession, quite possibly far worse than the global recession of 2008-2009.  The only two predictions left are that the UK shifts to the right and that Scotland will break away from the union, following a second referendum on independence.

Since most people who voted to leave the EU are most likely Tories or UKIP supporters, I wonder how they feel about our economy now on the slide.  Conservatives always pride themselves on their ecomonic policies, but Brexit is economic suicide.

I am devastated, livid, sad and completely in shock of what just happened.  I would never have returned to the UK in January, if I thought that Brexit would actually become a reality, but that’s my fault.

Now this puts a new spin on my own predicament.  I no longer want to stay in this country, as I don’t like the “new” United Kingdom; it simply isn’t my home and it’s obvious that my values do not fit in here.  And unless I get some fantastic news from the Gender Identity Clinic about my assessment, there really isn’t much point in stucking around for that, as it would most likely be years before I go under the knife.  A recession here will not only make it even harder for me to get a job, but it’s likely that there will be massive cuts to the welfare state and to the NHS, as our new (further) right wing overlords will likely want to switch the scapegoating from immigrants to the poor, the unemployed and the mentally ill.

I could go back to America.  I have two friends in New York I could count on to stay with until I get on my feet.  New York is a very liberal state as far as LGBT laws are concerned, so I would have just as much anti-discrimination as I do here, along with the hormones I need, which are covered bty insurers there.  It might mean accepting that SRS is not an option for me anytime soon though.  It also means going back to a place where I am still legally male, complete with a male name, which I couldn’t afford to change.  Even if I got assistance with the cost, it would most likely take months to get it changed with Homeland Security.

But frankly, I feel like giving up.  The United States isn’t exactly a safe haven, due to the risk of a Donald Trump win the presidential elections.  Brexit is Britain’s Trump and Trump is America’s Brexit, in terms of the political, social and economic suicide that both will cause (and are causing now).  My mother wants to talk later, as she wants to know what my plans are.  To be quite honest, I feel like ending it would be the most logical choice.  I hate myself, I hate this world and the direction we are taking.  If this is indeed an era of instability and chaos that we are entering into, I really don’t want to be a part of it.

This is the scariest time of my life, in the sense of the shit that I can’t control.  I am far more terrified of this than I was of the recession in 2008-9.  It’s become yet another reason to end my stupid existence and bail.

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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

5 thoughts on “I’m lost for words”

  1. Britain is no lo9nger Great. I’m not even proud to call myself Welsh today. I am terrified of what this means for my future, I’m unemployed, I came out of a 3 year degree scheme with only a level 1 qualification, I’m Transgender, and as you say the hits to the NHS will be horrendous. I want out of this country. But I do not currently hold a British Passport. I’ll be getting one as soon as possible though and applying for jobs outside UK, in the EU while I still can. Best of luck for the future Becca. We’re going to need it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s what I fear. I’m already marginalised and unemployable. The first cuts that will be made to any part of the NHS will be mental health, where because of our backward ass classification, is part of what funds the clinics.

      I have to possibly either give up transition and go back to America or end my life. I don’t see any other way. I am ashamed and saddened by what the leave campaign and the mindless sheep that voted to leave have done. And the damage will be permanent

      Like

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