Another traumatic nightmare, disturbed sleep 

Just some up after having an awful nightmare about being stuck in some sort of mechanical maze reminiscent of the one in the movie,The Cube. I had one of the kittens with me (Lily), but I lost her and was freaking out because of it. I woke up in a panic, but fortunately Lily was still sleeping on top of me, putting away like a dump truck.

Lily and her sister Madge were two of the kittens I managed to keep from the litter of 5, which came from my ex’s girlfriend’s cat after she got prengnant.  I literally saw the kittens being born and the mommy cat wanted me there to protect her while she gave birth (she kept meowing when I left the room) and insisted I followed her to her spot.  I could only keep two, although there was a black and white tom kitten I wanted, but my ex gave him away and another of them.

I started crying momentarily as I am leaving my mom’s later this morning to go and stay at a friend of hers house.  I have been with these cats since mid March when they were born and it’s really hurting like hell that I won’t wake up to Lily sleeping on my chest or on one of my shoulders next to me.  I would’ve kept them myself if I could have, but I don’t even have a place to live yet.

I just feel really down at the moment. It’s not even 3am and I’m now wide awake; Lily is sleepier than I am.  I don’t think I’m going to cope well on my own. It’s like I need people around, but at the same time I need my own space from them too much of the time.

I don’t want to live with random people or even be in a relationship just because I find it difficult to cope on my own.  Living with strangers as roommates would be a disaster for me.


Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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