Still waiting…

I had a relatively productive day today….

I called my former GP’s office in Watford as it’s been over a week since I sent them a letter requesting orginal referral documentation from January 2015, when I first went to my GP and asked to be referred to the GIC. After much back and forth with the receptionist, I finally managed to find out from her that I had been referred last year; on February 11, 2015 to be exact. She said she’d give me the infotmation, but that I would have to collect it. Bullshit! I live 100 miles away from Watford now and can’t afford to make a trip just for that. I informed my contact at Healthwatch; she said she’d speak to them tomorrow about sending it by mail. I asked my contact at Healthwatch if she’d heard anything from the GIC, but so far nothing. She reached out to another individual at the West London Mental Health Trust. It all seems to be just emails at the moment, which no one seems to be responding to. Maybe I should sent them another letter expressing how excruciating the waiting is and how I am losing time, the longer this goes on.

As far as accommodation goes, my mum has decided to go for one of the flats we saw the other day. It’s a bit more money than I would have liked, but it’ll be a brand new flat inside as they are hitting it and refurbishing the building. I feel dreadful that she will have to act as a guarantor and will have to fork out for most of the deposit and first months rent, but I will have a decent place to live, if I chose to live (which is in doubt).  

The only problem is the flat won’t be finished until the end of July. As my mum lives with her husband, it is difficult for them to have me here for much longer. I may be going to stay at a friend of theirs’ house, as this friend is going on holiday for 2 weeks. It’ll just be a bit lonely if she doesn’t have internet as it’s the only way I keep in touch with the world. 

I made chicken marinara for dinner, which turned out pretty good. I love cooking and missed having the use of a proper kitchen. I used to like cooking for my ex and her son before her new girlfriend took over. I don’t think I’m an amazing cook or anything, but I find it rewarding and distracting and I’m not afraid to experiment. I picked up a it from watching my mum when I was a kid and from my ex wife and her mother, who was an amazing cook. It seems like a lot of people my generation and younger don’t bother to cook If I get the flat, I’m going vegetarian again.

I don’t want my mum to be committed to a lease. What if I give up? She’d be liable for the rent. Maybe I have to use the next few weeks to see if I can turn my life around sufficiently in order to make it somewhat liveable. My old supoort worker with the crisis team in Lancashire is very relieved that I won’t be going back there to live with my ex. I actually paid for a train ticket, but was told to stay away by her mother and accused of “pestering” her, when it was her who was constantly calling and texting me. The calls seem to have stopped now though, so I just need to try to banish it all in the past and try to repair the damage done to me.


Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

5 thoughts on “Still waiting…”

  1. I think it is very brave of you to talk about these issues, especially publicly. You are a strong woman. Keep taking things one step at a time, one day at a time. Letters are harder to ignore than emails so I would suggest using those for correspondence to your doctors. And if you still wait long times before hearing anything try phoning them. It’s not nice but we sometimes have to make ourselves become pests in order for them to give us the attention we deserve. The whole of this post sounds more positive than your last few. So I think, I hope, you’re moving in a good direction here.


    1. I am trying to be positive but also cracking at the same time. I can’t do phone calls. I have massive telephone-phobia. Worst case I could ask my mum. I managed to phone my old doctors surgery as I know them and they know me.

      I do count my blessings that I was able to start hormones abroad and just continue here. I think I if I’d had to wait for that too or been made to stop upon getting back to the UK, I would have ended it long ago


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