Finding Love – A Pre-Op Transwoman’s Dilemma

While in many respects, it has been easier to attract partners now than it was before I transitioned, there are many risks and pitfalls that I have encountered and I have experienced sexual abuse, sexual assault and verbal harassment online.

I am pansexual,but I have only had relationships with females (cis and trans) and have only casually dated and slept with a couple of men in my time.  As of now though, I tend to look to men in terms of serious relationships, but I have found that extremely difficult.  Most men who show interest (predominantly online) seem to either just want “fun” (not fun for me because I am demisexual), are desperate and/or creepy, are “chasers” or just guys looking to experiment with something different.  Very few see someone like me as a potential girlfriend.
As for females, I’ve been lucky to find a few lesbians willing to give me a chance, but they are few and far between.  Not only are my chances severely lessened by being transgender, but also the fact that I am not only attracted to females makes it harder still due to biphobia.
I have dated a couple of trans women,but I’ve had so many bad experiences with trans women in general that it’s unlikely I’ll ever pursue that avenue again.  The other issue with that is that I often find it difficult to be around trans women in particular because I don’t like to talk about transgender issues outside of the internet.  Out in the real world, I would rather forget that I’m trans completely.
I honestly don’t think that I’ll ever find a serious relationship, at least not with a man.  If I get my surgery in time and before I completely give up on life, it may be easier once I am post op and have the right part down there, but I still think it’s going to be difficult.  At the very least, I won’t be so opposed to sex, as I am now.
I just wish I could meet regular people though and date, like any normal person could.  All I seem to get are men on Facebook and on dating sites who are either desperate, clingy, in another country or just looking to experiment.  I would honestly rather have no relationship at all than have to settle for something that either compromises my gender identity, makes me feel used or even puts me at risk.  Forever alone, I guess.
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Author: Becca

Dead to the world, dead inside.

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